Baby Scars
by Darkened Angel Feathers
Summary: Dean's been feeling a little less sexy since the baby. Dean/Cas


Title: Baby Scars  
Rating: PG-13  
Word Count:1936  
Summary: Dean's been feeling a little less sexy since the baby.  
Pairing: Dean/Cas  
Warnings: Mpreg  
Spoilers:I don't think there are any, unless you don't know who Castiel is.  
Notes: I don't usually do mpreg, honestly, because I think it's a little silly, but I wanted to write a Dean that was feeling a little uncomfortable in his body, and this was the best way. I also feel like it's a little rushed at the end. I also, while writing it, kept slipping out of past tense and into present, so if you see any that I missed, please point them out. (I realized it would have been better in present, but I'm too lazy to go change it all...) If you have any other comments or critiques, I would love to hear them! :D Thanks for reading.

The baby's cry broke through the near dead silence in the house, rousing Dean from his sleep. The recent lack of sleep was taking its toll on him, his eyes tired and his energy at an all-time low. Castiel had insisted that since he didn't need sleep, he could take care of the baby at night while Dean slept, but Dean didn't want that. He wanted to experience all the joys and pains a normal new father would...and even some he wouldn't.

Maybe he hadn't exactly wanted those ones, but the situation was weird. Magic could do some strange things; getting a guy pregnant wasn't that far off from the things he saw every day. He never really thought that this was how he'd have kids, but he was glad nonetheless. He loved his daughter with all of his heart, and although they did not originally plan for her didn't mean that they didn't want her.

One thing was for sure, he had a new found respect for women and the things they went through. On his way to the baby's nursery, he saw his shirtless torso in a mirror. And it wasn't that he blamed the baby or anything, but she had wrecked his body. He can see a small gut that he never had before, he has these hideous stretch marks on the sides of it and a huge, sealed gash right down the center where she was cut out of him. He misses his old self, he tells himself, because he was not going to become like one of those mothers that becomes all obsessed with how she looks after the baby. But he couldn't help shifting uncomfortably under his own gaze in the mirror. He felt guilty for feeling this way when he should be overjoyed about his child.

However, his body is sore all the time, and he feels and looks less-than-sexy. Before he was confident, he never had to care about his looks or his body because of his profession and he was a beautiful man. Now, with the amount of cases they took limited to the tri-state area, and the frequency reduced a lot as well, he got much less exercise.

The next night he went to bed with a shirt on. He began spending more time running and training again. The old Dean would have smacked him for it, but he was often refusing sex. He just didn't think he could roll over, pull off his thin, fabric barrier, and look at Castiel's perfect, lean body without crying. Body image was never a concern for him, and people who saw him only saw him for one night. Now he had this perfect, loving man that he was allowed to see every single day. And, although his logical mind knew Castiel would not leave him for it, he was still afraid to show his body to his lover. He was frustrated, because despite his efforts, his body remained static, the same. It was as if his skin was frozen in time. The scar he could deal with; the stretchmarks were fine. But when he looked at his loose skin, his new baby fat, he suddenly felt so fucking ugly.

Dean Winchester was not used to feeling ugly.

This, of course, did not go unnoticed by Castiel. Dean's habits had changed, and he was clearly unhappy. And, yes, snooping in his mind was _technically _off-limits. But his partner had changed so dramatically since the baby came along. But Dean clearly love little Emily; the rare smiles he saw now were usually caused by their little girl. Their sex life had died, and after all this time, Castiel was used to the frequent, energetic sex. (More than used to, try _totally fucking in love with_ and you'll be more on base) He'd tried appealing to Dean, sexually, whilst they were in their bed for the night, but all of his attempts were blocked and the lights killed. So, Cas had turned to mind reading to see what the problem was.

He found it surprising that Dean found his body to be unattractive, that he was insecure. The thought had never occurred to Castiel. He'd found Dean attractive before the baby, and while the baby was still stirring inside of him. Why would he not think he was gorgeous afterward? His body was a work of art, pardon the cliché, and Castiel loved every variation and part of it. And he fully intended to show Dean.

The next morning,after Cas had taken care of Emily and she was sleeping again, he fully intended to sneak back into the bedroom and snuggle up to Dean, finish his nightly thinking time. When he opened the door, though, Dean was gone, and the bed was unmade, as usual. Cas huffed, thinking about all the times he had to ask Dean to at least pull the covers back, and as he moved to fix the entangled sheets, he saw Dean's form through a crack in the bathroom door.

"Dean," he said, "Pushing the door open to reveal Dean, who quickly pulled his shirt back down, "I must inform you of something. You look exceptionally handsome today." Dean smiled at him and thanked him softly, leaving to go start breakfast, but Castiel was left staring at the empty spot and wondering how someone's smile could make his heart break so much. He swallowed that feeling and left the bathroom, headed towards the kitchen, seeing Dean's back and wrapping his arms around him, going to rest his hands on Dean's stomach, the way he always did before. But Dean flinched this time, ducked out of his arms and gave a sort of half-shrug as an apology.

"Dean, the baby is asleep."

And he had turned Dean around, his lips making their way to the taller man's own. He kissed him fiercely, with every ounce of love he had, with every bit of attraction he held and always had for Dean. And Dean kissed him back just as passionately, and soon there was tongue and Dean was being pressed uncomfortably against the counter but he couldn't find it in himself to care. God, Dean had missed this for so long, it seems. He had been rejecting Castiel, and at that moment he could not remember why. He moaned into Cas' mouth, and it disappeared into his throat, swallowed greedily. Cas' hands had come to rest at the back of his neck, but they were slowly working their way down, dragging down his back, and working over his chest and about to slip under his shirt-

Dean pulled himself away with a gasp, muttered an apology and a half-hearted excuse, then turns back to his cooking. Emily cried out again and Cas went to tend to her.

That night, Dean was resting, counting sheep, whatever he has to do to get to sleep, when he felt a hand along his leg, running up and down, reverent. And sometimes, it was getting a little close to center, but never really hit home. He wasn't really drowsy, but he pretends to be when he asks Cas what he's doing.

"Dean," Cas said, "I wish to have intercourse with you."

And Dean couldn't help but chuckle at that, "You have always been straight forward, haven't you? Isn't that what you said when you first seduced me?" Cas' hand was wandering to other places now, just not exactly where Dean would prefer it. "You are a little more handsy, though."

"Dean," Castiel said, "You just look so gorgeous." Castiel began placing small kisses on Dean's neck, and scooted closer, pressing his body against his lover's back. Dean, thus, could feel how he was affecting Castiel, and it made him feel a little sexier than he had before. He turned over, meeting Cas' lips with his own.

"Well, then," he said, "let's get started." He began kissing Cas ferociously, with a passion that had been stowed away for weeks. But Castiel did not let him stay in control for too long, as he intended to make this about Dean and making Dean feel good, regardless of what he and his dick wanted. He felt some resistance, however, when trying to slip his hands under the hunter's shirt, a small jerk that let him know Dean still wasn't entirely comfortable with himself naked. So Cas distracted him long enough to get his hands under the thin fabric, stroking and fondling the naked skin underneath it. He had been gradually working his way on top of the other man, until he was on his knees, kneeling over him. Cas couldn't get his shirt off, not right now, but he could certainly unbutton his pants.

Dean was naked in no time, and lost to this thing that he had missed for so long. By the end of it, he was exhausted, sleeping soundly in his own skin. Waking, however, was a different story. Dean saw himself, naked, and for lack of a better word, freaked. He saw all of his imperfections, all of the ugly marks and extra flab that he had not had before; they were illuminated perfectly, every little flaw. Despite that, he felt better waking up than he had in weeks. But still not comfortable enough to walk around naked like he had in the past.

It was later that night, and Dean is cuddling Emily on the couch, smiling at her face, wondering at the miracle that was her existence, when Casteil sits down next to him. Dean looks over at him, his face bright and almost reverent and Castiel lightly touches the inside of his thigh and doesn't say a word. Somehow, this makes Dean feel a little better.

It took a few days of sex and cuddling and compliments, but soon Dean was sleeping in just his boxers again. He does it because he realized that Cas didn't seem to mind even though he did, and it's the nighttime, so he couldn't see himself. He made it a habit, though, to wake up before it's too light and go for a jog. He'd begun losing some of the weight, but not much, and he was still a little flabbier than ever before. It was not large by any means, hardly anything to someone else, but to Dean, who had always been hard and lean and strong, the sight of it reminded him of his weaknesses. He saw it and paniced, because he didn't think he was going to be strong enough, or be trained enough, or practiced enough to protect his family. It was the perfect balance between what he was born for and what he wants, this life, and he wanted to keep it safe and sturdy.

But he has not been avoiding Castiel's advances anymore, not since that first night when they broke the rut they'd been in. And the angel had been prying away at his defenses, had been making small cracks in his armor, until he'd broken him down and Dean was telling him all about how he felt about his body. And Cas was there, rubbing his back because he'd learned that it is enjoyable, and whispering things in his ears. Cas wanted Dean to believe the things he was saying, because he believed them. It turns out that it helps to get things all out in the open like that, because while Dean still worked out and trained, he didn't feel upset when the effect is little. He walked around naked the morning after and acted like Cas' old cocky Dean again.

Castiel really appreciated it.


End file.
